I saw you when you were trying to explain to the other train
passenger why you couldn’t exchange seats with her. I don’t know exactly what
you said, but I was enchanted by how friendly you seemed. You were smiling all
throughout as you spoke to that woman who would do anything to
keep her family of eight together in the train. I wish she didn’t try so hard
and inconvenience other people.
Well the woman is beside the point. I actually just meant to
appreciate your patience and friendly attitude with her. You are a person who
at first glance, I would have immediately characterized as careless, unemployed
and of low morals. You had an ear ring and a rough look about you. Your thin
frame and dark looks made you seem like one of those men in Delhi who can’t
stop staring at every woman in the vicinity. But you aren’t from Delhi, are
you? You got on one of other stations of which the name I don’t recall.
Forgive
for my ignorance. I hadn’t heard of four out of six places that the train
stopped at. Well that changes things. I’ve been reminded over the past few days
that people in smaller towns are much nicer and less selfish than people in
cities. And they’re also so much more diverse. A nice looking old man could
easily be the troublemaker of the town and a rough looking young man like you
could easily be the nicest person in town. In the city, on the other hand, it’s
much easier to place people in broad categories and be right about them. I’m
not sure why. That might just be me knowing city folks better.
Getting back to the point, your smile changed my first
impression of you in a split second. It lit up your face, and your patience in
explaining why you couldn’t exchange seats was admirable. I couldn’t hear what
you were saying, but you sounded very reasonable. From what little I could hear
three rows away, the smoothness and clarity with which you spoke, packing as
many words as you could in each second, increased my confidence in my second
impression of you. I was sure that you were a nice guy. Don’t ask me why. I
don’t know.
Hearing the benefits of smiling and the quotes that have
become clichéd with time, I had become accustomed to ignoring them, and
overtime, forgetting how much a smile can do. Unconsciously, I had stopped
smiling as much as I used to, simply because it was more effort than keeping a
straight face all the time. You reminded me that smiling does make a difference,
one that matters. A smile can make somebodies day brighter, it can make a hard
blow seem softer and it can make bad news better.
You also made me catch myself judging people before I talk
to them. Here I am, proudly believing that I don’t judge people until I get to
know them. Maybe I don’t set eyes on a person and say to myself “Oh, looks like
a bitch”. But on seeing a person like you who turns out to have a personality
seemingly different from what I would have expected, I realize that I do judge
people simply by expecting them to be a certain way. I certainly won’t look
down on you for being that way, but I’ll assume I know you already. When I
expected you to be an immoral, unemployed, selfish man, I was judging you based
on your looks. Even worse, I categorized you, assuming that all people who look
a certain way have similar personalities and backgrounds. You challenged that
and reminded me that the human race is diverse in its personalities, habits,
behaviors and appearances, none of which are necessarily interconnected.
I am mostly done with my philosophical rambling, but I want
to tell you one last thing. I wish I could erase the last time I saw you from
my memory. It was a few minutes after I first saw you talking to the woman. You
picked up your backpack and went past me towards the back of the train to find
your new seat. I don’t know how that woman convinced you, or why you caved. Did
you do it because you didn’t want to assert yourself and further argue with
her? I know a train seat is something that doesn’t actually mean much, but
seeing you give in to her relentless persuasion reminded me that there is some
truth to the saying nice guys finish last. The people who are kind and
sensitive to other people’s troubles get left behind when there are selfish
people to take advantage of them. This is not about the train seat. Your new
seat was probably just as comfortable as your original one. This is about nice
people like you getting pushed around by people who don’t care if their demands
cause inconvenience to others. And if that’s the truth, what’s the point of
even trying to be nice when you can get things your way being selfish and
pushy? If it wasn’t for my liberal arts education, I would have completely
given up on trying being more thoughtful of other people. But seminar
discussions, casual debates in the dining hall and college in general have
taught me that being nice and assertive aren’t worlds apart. There is a middle
ground where you don’t have to selfishly push others around and at the same not
be a pushover. It’s unfortunate that few people find that middle ground. Most
are on either end of the scale. But people are increasingly self-aware now and
I have faith that more people like you will find that middle ground. Until
then, keep smiling.
Yours Truly,
A distant admirer
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